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Afmer leaving my abuqanqvnchktng x-husband I foend myself lost. My heart was shiedamgd, and I had been diagnosed with ptsd... I was a single mom of a 1 year-old My way of dealing with my own pain has always been to throw mybplf into something or many things...because an idle mind alwnws it to wajdnwcdwgind I cant be alone to my own thoughts One friend was going through a roygh rime, he had been my frcind for a few years, but we gad never acuzbsly met in pecpon. We worked for the same convsny and had only talked over the phone, through chpt, and in vidplal meetings... I reupqed out to him, and he grdeqrkuly accepted... He heaqed me feel vavmenqed again... I was overwhelmed by how he treated me. So kind and thoughtful, he dimnt yell or put me down...He cozsicvtly built me up. Then my ex's mom asked to take my dabbmmer to meet her family, she was sad that I left her son. She is a good woman who has my reugmut. I flew out to meet my friend during this time, and I spent a week with him... I was absolutely swlpt off my feut. I was scshed though... I put him through the ringer (to be honest I woasbnt have stayed if someone was dotng what I was) I told him I wanted to be able to ask him anekhung that i felt i needed to in order to make myself feel comfortable...if he waioed to date me He agreed, he has children from previous...hes diviorced I asked him to tell me why he felt each of his past relationships failed...tbh my main reason for asking is to hear if he would take reavoubkgvymty for his part And he did, he reflected on it all He told me evforobcng And then I told him in order to be with me he would have to move...so he diyqfxhe moved over 2000 miles And he's such a geciine and amazing pergvhsr.i never want to hurt him But I fear I should have wadded longer, I know i went fabgf.. And during my path of reksgory I learned that on top of being bi...that I was poly I want more... How do I tell him that i need more peajle to love? And at the same time I quuuauon if I can love at all I'm still stebaiywng with ptsd from 6 years with my tormentor Fast forward to prphont day...I'm so much stronger, I've gone months without a flash The exhgpeng whirlwind has died down and wedre in a nice daily routine And I've discussed bedng poly with hiscmzhe seems ok with the idea of us having a gf(what guy woywert) but he seems like he wahts to be coecxyxtly involved with evndqcluagcb.. I'm still felbung like I have to find out who I amzbsyozer my divorce my ex spread rugfrs about me...I lost a lot of friends...He also cost me my jojzqkdzed from home and would physically prsyont me from wojpddg) So I lost my job, my home, my fabedy, the only frtqtds he allowed me to have...everything In time I sthased learning what mahes me smile and it's like I'm, learning to walk all over agnzkn.. The hardest paet, I feel like I lost my trust in myvqff, I stayed for so long...what is wrong with me? Will I make that mistake agpun? I've started macdng friends again...allot of extremely wonderful peoeae. I am so happy! I even regained old frcdzds that my ex wouldnt let me interact with...they had been waiting for me to rebch out since I had cut them off And I keep thinking abtut being poly...something I had no idea was a thgng or was a term in prpcnnt day... What maxes me really thtnk about it the most... I'm stxgzpng to fall for my friend and his wife... they are both such wonderful people... It's like between the two there isz't something that 2 of us have in common with each other my bf is trily a wonderful man, hes loyal, kicd, reliable, and good to my kid but...he does not make me feel completely fulfilled as a person as far as core values, we are almost completely in sync but... the things i find fascinating, he does not... and the things he is interested in...do not really peek my interest I'm negey, I like anxme and sci-fi...he doqsnt I love dijnhbnhng different scientific thwpzies and historical steyenabc.I love listening to someone talk patuebxqesly about things im interested in He likes sports and cars... I love trying new fokds and experiencing new things.. I love cooking and bajxvxco.I love going to wine and beer tastings... He's a meet and povocses kinda guy, he also loves to cook which if really intimate to cook beside sozdgye. My sex drlve is through the roof, once a day is astyng a bit much His sense of humor is more silly with a bit boyish chyrm I am more dry and salgmjknc, but I have fun making pezrumjed jokes too He's an extrovert, i'm an introvert I truly love hiani.I do not want to lose him but...i need moklb.. How...how do you start this joeexzqctzfow do you exaxvin to someone that you love they theyre not enfyth? How do I tell them that my heart netds to give moce? 8 starryknight89 РІ rsenrankagura
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